Talk Your Bookby Scribe Media
Guide

What an ethical will is, and how to write or record one for the people you love

A legal will says who gets your things. An ethical will says what you hope they keep: your values, the lessons your life taught you, and what you want them to know. It is short, personal and not a legal document. Here is where the tradition comes from, what to include, 25 prompts, a template, and how to record yours out loud if writing is the hard part.

By Scribe MediaPublished October 30, 20266 minute read

On this page

  1. What an ethical will is
  2. What to include
  3. 25 prompts to get started
  4. A simple template
  5. Recording yours out loud
  6. When and how to share it

What an ethical will is

Wikipedia's entry on the ethical will describes it as a document that passes ethical values from one generation to the next. It comes from Jewish tradition, where it is called a tzava'ah, and the entry traces the original template to Genesis 49, in which Jacob gathers his sons to speak to each of them before he dies.

Today people of every background write them, often called legacy letters. The entry is clear on one point: an ethical will is not a legal document. It does not replace a will, a trust, a power of attorney or medical directives; it sits alongside them. For anything about property, money or medical decisions, talk to a lawyer.

What to include

The Wikipedia entry lists family history, cultural and spiritual values, blessings, life lessons, requests for forgiveness and wishes for how the writer will be remembered. In practice, most ethical wills cover some of these:

  • What you value most, and the story of how you came to value it.
  • Lessons your life taught you, especially the ones you learned the hard way.
  • Family history: where the family came from and the stories you do not want lost.
  • Hopes for the people you love, named one by one if you like.
  • Thanks to the people who shaped you.
  • Apologies or forgiveness, if there is something you want to say while you can.
  • How you want to be remembered.

25 prompts to get started

  1. The three things that matter most to me are...
  2. I learned what really matters when...
  3. The best advice I ever got was... and it came from...
  4. A mistake that taught me something important was...
  5. What I know now that I wish I had known at twenty is...
  6. Our family came from... and I want you to know that...
  7. A family story I never want forgotten is...
  8. My parents taught me... without ever saying it.
  9. The person who changed my life most was...
  10. What I believe about work is...
  11. What I believe about money is...
  12. What I believe about faith, or about what comes after, is...
  13. The hardest thing I ever got through was... and what got me through was...
  14. I am proudest of...
  15. I wish I had spent more time on...
  16. I wish I had spent less time worrying about...
  17. What makes a good life, in my experience, is...
  18. To each of my children (or grandchildren), I want to say...
  19. What I hope you will keep from our family is...
  20. What I hope you will leave behind is...
  21. I am sorry for...
  22. I forgive...
  23. I am grateful to... for...
  24. When you miss me, I hope you will...
  25. I want to be remembered as someone who...

A simple template

To [name, or "my family"],

I am writing this on [date] because [why now].

What matters most to me is [value], and here is why: [story].

The most important thing life taught me is [lesson]. I learned it when [story].

I want you to know where we come from: [family history in a few lines].

My hope for you is [hope]. [Add a line for each person if you like.]

Thank you for [thanks]. I am sorry for [if anything]. I forgive [if anyone].

I hope you remember me as [how].

With love,
[your name]

Date it, sign it, and keep it with your other important papers, with a copy somewhere your family can find it.

Recording yours out loud

Many people stall at the blank page but can talk about what matters for an hour. If that is you, say it instead:

  1. Pick five or six prompts from the list above.
  2. Record yourself answering them, alone or with someone you trust asking the questions. A phone in a quiet room is enough; the iPhone recording guide and recording setup guide cover how.
  3. Get it transcribed. The transcription options guide compares the ways to do it.
  4. Shape the transcript into a letter. Keep your own words and phrases; cut the repetition. How to turn a transcript into prose shows the edits.
  5. Keep the recording. Your voice saying it is part of what you leave.

If you are helping a parent or grandparent make one, the prompts work as interview questions. Questions to ask your parents before they die covers the conversation in more depth.

When and how to share it

Some people give their ethical will to their family now, at a birthday, a wedding or a milestone, so they can talk about it together. Others leave it to be read later. Either works. If you write separate letters to each person, label them clearly. And revisit it every few years: what you want to say at fifty is rarely what you want to say at seventy.

Start here: answer three prompts today, in writing or out loud, and keep what you say. That is the first draft of your ethical will.

Common questions

What is an ethical will?

A letter or document that passes your values, lessons and hopes to the people who come after you, rather than your property. It is sometimes called a legacy letter. The tradition comes from Judaism, where it is called a tzava'ah, and it is now used by people of every background.

Is an ethical will legally binding?

No. An ethical will is not a legal document and does not replace a legal will, a trust or any other estate planning document. It sits alongside them. For anything about property, money or medical decisions, talk to a lawyer.

What should I put in an ethical will?

What matters most to you and why, the lessons your life taught you, family history and stories you want remembered, hopes for the people you love, thanks, and, if you want, apologies or forgiveness. Write in your own voice, as if talking to one person.

How long should an ethical will be?

As long as it needs to be. Many are a page or two. Some people write one letter to the whole family; others write a short letter to each person.

Can I record an ethical will instead of writing it?

Yes. Many people find it easier to say what matters than to write it. Record yourself answering a few prompts, then have it transcribed and shaped into a letter. Keep the recording too: your voice is part of what you leave.

Sources: Wikipedia, Ethical will (definition; Jewish tradition and the name tzava'ah; Genesis 49 as the original template; not a legal document; typical contents), read October 30, 2026. The prompts, template and other guidance were written by Scribe Media. Not legal advice. Published by Scribe Media.