How to write a letter to your son or daughter that they will keep for the rest of their life
A letter from a parent can be something your child keeps for the rest of their life. It does not need to be long or eloquent. It needs to be specific: a memory only you have, what you see in them, and what you hope for them, said plainly. Here are 30 prompts, a simple structure, four short sample letters, and how to record one if writing is hard.
On this page
When to write one
- A milestone: a birthday, graduation, first job, wedding, or the birth of their own child.
- A hard time: a loss, a failure, a move, a diagnosis. A letter can say what is hard to say out loud.
- To keep for later: a letter to be opened at a future birthday, or kept with your important papers. See also what an ethical will is, a longer letter of values to the whole family.
- No reason at all. Unexpected letters often mean the most.
A simple structure
| Part | What it does |
|---|---|
| A memory | One specific moment with them, with a place and a detail |
| What you see in them | A quality you admire now, with an example |
| Something you learned | One lesson from your life you want them to have |
| Your hope for them | What you wish for them, not what you expect of them |
| Love, said plainly | The words, in your own way |
Scribe Media's suggestion. Use the parts that fit; a short letter can be just a memory and a line of love.
30 prompts
- The day you were born, I remember...
- The first time I saw you [walk, read, ride a bike], I...
- A moment with you I think about more than you'd guess is...
- When you were little, you used to say...
- The time you made me proudest was...
- Something you did that you probably don't remember, but I do, is...
- What I admire most about who you've become is...
- I see [your grandmother / your grandfather / me] in you when you...
- The thing you're best at that you don't give yourself credit for is...
- When things got hard, I watched you...
- Something I wish I'd known at your age is...
- The best advice anyone ever gave me was...
- A mistake I made that I hope you don't repeat is...
- What I learned about love is...
- What I learned about work is...
- What I learned about money is...
- What I learned about friendship is...
- When you feel lost, I hope you remember...
- Something I'm sorry for is...
- Something I never told you is...
- What I hope for you in the next ten years is...
- What I hope you never lose is...
- When you have your own family, I hope...
- A family story I want you to keep telling is...
- Where you come from, and why it matters, is...
- The thing that makes me laugh most about you is...
- You don't have to [be perfect / have it figured out / make me proud]. You already...
- If you ever doubt it, read this: ...
- Whatever happens, I want you to know...
- I love you because...
Four short sample letters
We wrote these to show the range. None is from a real family; replace every detail with your own.
To a son, for a graduation: "Dear Ben, I still remember the morning you were seven and refused to leave for school until you'd finished building the bridge in the backyard out of sticks. It held, by the way. You were late, and I didn't mind. You've been building things that hold ever since: friendships, teams, this degree. I hope you keep being late for the things that matter. I am so proud of you, and I love you. Mom"
To a daughter, for her wedding: "Dear Sofia, the first time you held my finger in the hospital, you didn't let go for an hour. I've been holding on ever since. Today I'm letting go a little, and that's the way it should be. Here's what I learned in 35 years of marriage: be kind first, be right second, and never go to bed without saying goodnight. I love you more than I know how to write. Dad"
To a child going through a hard time: "I know this year has knocked you down. I want you to know what I've watched you do: you keep showing up. You did it when you were nine and lost every game of that soccer season, and you're doing it now. That is the bravest thing a person can do, and you do it without thinking. I'm here, always. Love, Mom"
To be opened later: "If you're reading this, it's your thirtieth birthday, and I hope I'm sitting next to you. Either way, here's what I want you to know: the best thing I ever did was be your dad. Call your sister. Take the trip. Don't wait for the right time to say I love you to the people you love. I love you. Dad"
Recording it in your own voice
If writing feels hard, say it instead. Pick five prompts, sit somewhere quiet, and record yourself answering them on your phone as if your child were across the table. Then get it transcribed and shape it into a letter, keeping your own words. Keep the recording too: one day your voice may matter to them as much as what you said.
The iPhone recording guide covers how to record, and the transcription options guide covers getting it onto paper. If you want to go further and tell your whole story, see how to write an autobiography.
Start here: finish prompt 3, "A moment with you I think about more than you'd guess is...", and write it down today. That is the heart of your letter.
Common questions
What should I write in a letter to my son or daughter?
A specific memory of them, what you see in them now, what you hope for them, something you learned that you want them to know, and how much you love them, said plainly. One specific memory does more than any general praise.
When should I give my child a letter?
Common moments are birthdays, graduations, weddings, the birth of their own child, or a hard time. Some parents also write a letter to be opened later, kept with their important papers.
How long should a letter to my child be?
A page or two is plenty. A short letter they reread every year is worth more than a long one they read once.
Can I record a letter instead of writing it?
Yes. Many parents find it easier to talk than write. Record yourself answering a few of the prompts on this page, then keep the recording and a transcript. Your voice is part of what they will treasure.
Sources: prompts, structure and sample letters written by Scribe Media for this guide; the families in the samples are invented. Published by Scribe Media.