70 questions to ask your dad about his life, and how to record the answers

When he was a boy (questions 1 to 10)

1. Where did you grow up? Draw me a map of the street.
2. What did you and your friends do after school?
3. What was the best thing you ever got for your birthday or a holiday?
4. What sports or games did you play, and were you any good?
5. What chores did you have, and which one did you hate?
6. What is the first thing you remember building, fixing or taking apart?
7. Who was the toughest teacher you had, and what did they teach you?
8. What did you get in the most trouble for?
9. What did you want to be when you grew up?
10. What is one day from when you were a kid that you would live again?

His own father and family (questions 11 to 20)

11. What was your father like when you were small?
12. What did he do for work, and did you ever go with him?
13. What did he teach you, on purpose or not?
14. What did you and he do together?
15. What did he never say that you wish he had?
16. What was your mother like, from your side of the table?
17. What do you know about your grandparents?
18. Which relative had the best stories? Tell me one.
19. What did your family do on a normal Sunday?
20. In what ways are you like your father, and in what ways did you choose to be different?

Growing up and striking out (questions 21 to 30)

21. What were you like as a teenager?
22. What was your first car, and where did you drive it?
23. What was your first job, and what did you buy with the money?
24. When did you leave home, and where did you go?
25. Describe the first place that was all yours.
26. Who were your closest friends in your twenties? What did you get up to?
27. Did you serve in the military, or think about it? What happened?
28. What was the biggest risk you took when you were young?
29. How did you meet my mother, or the people who mattered most to you then?
30. What did you believe at twenty that you do not believe now?

Work and the things he made (questions 31 to 40)

31. How did you end up in your line of work?
32. Walk me through a normal working day when I was small.
33. Who was the best boss you ever had, and the worst?
34. What job or project are you proudest of?
35. What is something you built, fixed or made that is still around?
36. What did your work teach you about people?
37. Was there a day at work you will never forget? Tell me about it.
38. Did you ever want to quit and start something of your own? What happened?
39. What would you have done if money had not mattered?
40. What advice would you give me about work?

Becoming a dad (questions 41 to 50)

41. What did you think when you found out you were going to be a dad?
42. What do you remember about the day I was born?
43. How did you choose my name?
44. What was I like as a little kid?
45. What is your favorite memory of the two of us?
46. What did I do that scared you most?
47. What rule did you have that I never knew the reason for?
48. What did you want to do differently from your own father?
49. What did you get right as a dad that you are proud of?
50. Is there anything you would do differently now?

Hard times and what he learned (questions 51 to 60)

51. Was there a time money was very tight? How did you get through it?
52. What was the hardest year of your life?
53. What did you worry about that you never told us?
54. Who helped you when you needed it?
55. What sacrifice did you make that I probably never noticed?
56. What is a mistake you learned the most from?
57. When were you most scared, and what did you do?
58. Who did you lose that you still think about?
59. What kept you going when things were bad?
60. What did those years teach you that you still use?

What he wants you to know (questions 61 to 70)

61. What are you proudest of in your life?
62. What is the best advice anyone ever gave you?
63. What do you wish you had known at my age?
64. What does being a good man mean to you?
65. What family story should never be forgotten?
66. What is a place you would like to take me, and why?
67. What do you hope I pass on to my kids, or to the people I love?
68. What have you never told me that you would like me to know?
69. What do you want me to remember about you?
70. Is there anything you would like to ask me?

How to ask, and how to record it

Ask for a moment, not a summary. Many dads answer in a sentence. The story comes from the follow-up. Keep these ready:

• "Can you tell me about one particular day?"
• "Where were you? Who else was there?"
• "What did he say, as close as you remember?"
• "How did you handle it?"
• "Then what happened?"

Do something together. Some people talk more side by side than face to face. Ask on a drive past the old house, while fixing something, or with a box of photos or an old tool on the table. "Tell me about this" reaches memories that questions miss. Tell him why you are asking, and that he can skip any question.

Record it. Ask before you press record. Put your phone on something soft, a hand's width or two from him, in a quiet room with the television off. Say the date and the theme at the start, and back up the file the same day. If he lives far away, a phone or video call works too: the iPhone recording guide covers in-person, phone and video calls, and the recording setup guide covers rooms and backups.

Be careful with the hard parts. Loss, illness, war, divorce and family secrets can come up without warning. Do not push; ask whether he wants to keep going or come back to it another day, and accept the answer. Before you share anything, let him read it and take out what he wants kept private. The life story interview guide has more on interviewing an older parent with care.

Keep the recordings. Store two copies in different places. If you want his stories on paper, the transcription options guide compares software and human transcription, and the transcript to chapter guide shows how spoken stories become readable prose.

Asking your mom or your grandparents too? There are separate lists of 70 questions to ask your mom, 80 questions to ask your parents and 75 questions to ask your grandparents.