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50 questions to ask your siblings about growing up together, your parents and each other

Your brothers and sisters are the only people who were there for the same childhood as you, and none of them saw it the same way. These questions are about the house you grew up in, your parents, the family stories, and each other. They work over dinner, on a phone call, or as a recorded conversation for the family.

By Scribe MediaPublished October 30, 20266 minute read

On this page

  1. The house and the everyday (1 to 10)
  2. Our parents (11 to 20)
  3. Family stories and big moments (21 to 30)
  4. Us as kids (31 to 40)
  5. Us now (41 to 50)
  6. How to ask, and how to record it

The house and the everyday (questions 1 to 10)

  1. What is your earliest memory of the house we grew up in?
  2. Which room do you remember most, and why?
  3. What did a normal weekday morning look like in our house?
  4. What was always in the fridge, and what were we never allowed to have?
  5. What did we do on Sunday afternoons?
  6. Which neighbor or family friend do you remember most?
  7. What were the house rules, and which ones did you break?
  8. What did our holidays look like? Which one stands out?
  9. What smell or sound takes you straight back to that house?
  10. If you could walk through the house one more time, where would you go first?

Our parents (questions 11 to 20)

  1. What is your favorite memory of Mom? Of Dad?
  2. How were they different with you than with me?
  3. What did they argue about, and how did you know?
  4. What did they get right that you only noticed later?
  5. What is something they said that you still hear in your head?
  6. Which of their habits do you have now?
  7. What do you know about their lives before we were born?
  8. When did you first see them as ordinary people?
  9. What do you wish you had asked them, or wish you could still ask?
  10. What do you want your own children to know about them?

Family stories and big moments (questions 21 to 30)

  1. What family story do you tell most often? Tell it the way you remember it.
  2. What do you remember about the day we moved, or the biggest change in our family?
  3. What was the hardest time our family went through, from where you stood?
  4. Which family trip do you remember best, and what went wrong on it?
  5. What do you remember about our grandparents?
  6. Which relative did you love visiting, and which did you dread?
  7. Is there a family story you think is not quite true?
  8. What is something about our family that outsiders never understood?
  9. What tradition do you still keep, and which did you drop?
  10. Which story about our family should our kids definitely hear?

Us as kids (questions 31 to 40)

  1. What did you think of me when we were little?
  2. What is your favorite memory of the two of us together?
  3. What did we fight about most?
  4. What did you get blamed for that was actually my fault, or the other way round?
  5. When did you feel I had your back?
  6. What was I like as a teenager, from your side?
  7. What did you envy about me, or what did you think I had easier?
  8. What secret did we keep from our parents?
  9. Who was the favorite, honestly?
  10. What do you think each of us was "known for" in the family?

Us now (questions 41 to 50)

  1. How do you think growing up together shaped who you are now?
  2. What do you see in me now that reminds you of when we were kids?
  3. What part of our childhood do you want to pass on, and what do you want to leave behind?
  4. What have you learned about our family since you became an adult?
  5. Is there anything you wish had gone differently between us?
  6. What do you appreciate about me that you have never said?
  7. What are you proud of in your own life right now?
  8. What do you worry about these days?
  9. How can I be a better brother or sister to you?
  10. What should we make sure we do together while we still can?

How to ask, and how to record it

  • Start light. Begin with the house or a holiday, not the hardest year. Easy questions warm everyone up.
  • Bring something to look at. An old photo, a home video or a map of the neighborhood brings back details questions miss.
  • Let the versions differ. If you remember a story differently, ask "What do you remember?" before you correct it. Two versions are more interesting than one.
  • Only ask what you are ready to hear. Questions about favorites, old fights or your parents can open real feelings. Go there only if you both want to.
  • Talk with all of you together, then one at a time. Group conversations spark memories; one-to-one conversations get the stories people would not tell in front of everyone.

Record it, if everyone agrees. Put a phone in the middle of the table in a quiet room, and have each person say their name at the start so you can tell voices apart later. The iPhone recording guide covers in-person, phone and video calls, and the transcription options guide covers getting it onto paper.

Want to go further back? See questions to ask your parents, questions to ask your grandparents and family history interview questions. If you are collecting the stories into something lasting, how to make a family history book walks through it.

Start here: pick five questions from "The house and the everyday," text them to your sibling, and set a time to talk about them this week.

Common questions

What are good questions to ask your siblings?

Questions about shared memories you each saw differently work best: "What do you remember about the day we moved?", "What was Mom like when she was angry?" and "What did you think of me when we were kids?" They start stories, and the differences between your answers are often the best part.

Why do siblings remember the same events differently?

Siblings are different ages when things happen, stand in different places in the family and notice different things. Asking each other is one of the few ways to see your own childhood from another angle.

How do I start a deeper conversation with my brother or sister?

Start with something light and specific, like a photo or a holiday you both remember, and let the conversation go where it wants. Save harder questions about your parents or old conflicts for later, and only ask what you are ready to hear the answer to.

Should I record a conversation with my siblings?

If everyone agrees, yes. A recording keeps everyone's version of the family stories, which is valuable for children and grandchildren later. Put a phone in the middle of the table in a quiet room and say who is speaking at the start.

Sources: questions, tips and examples written by Scribe Media for this guide. Published by Scribe Media.