60 questions to ask older people about their lives, for a visit, a school project or your aging parents

Easy openers (questions 1 to 10)

1. Where did you grow up?
2. Who is in this photo? (Point to one in the room.)
3. What did you do for work?
4. What do you enjoy doing these days?
5. What was your favorite meal growing up, and who made it?
6. What music did you love when you were young?
7. Did you have a pet as a child? Tell me about it.
8. What was the first car you remember, and who drove it?
9. What was your favorite holiday as a child, and how did you spend it?
10. What is something you are good at that people might not guess?

Growing up (questions 11 to 20)

11. Describe the house you grew up in. Who lived there?
12. What was a normal Saturday like when you were ten or twelve?
13. What chores did you have?
14. What games did you play, and where?
15. What was school like? Who was the teacher you remember most?
16. What did you get in trouble for?
17. What did your parents do for a living?
18. Who was your best friend, and what did you do together?
19. What did you want to be when you grew up?
20. What is one smell or sound that takes you straight back to childhood?

How the world has changed (questions 21 to 30)

21. What has changed most in your lifetime?
22. What did things cost when you were young, like a candy bar, a movie or a gallon of gas?
23. How did your family get news when you were a child?
24. When did your family get its first telephone or television? Do you remember the day?
25. What big world events do you remember living through? Where were you when you heard?
26. What did people do for fun before there was much television?
27. What do you miss about the way things used to be?
28. What has gotten better since you were young?
29. What invention has made the biggest difference in your life?
30. What do young people today have that you wish you had had?

Work and making a living (questions 31 to 40)

31. What was your very first job, and how much did it pay?
32. How did you end up in the work you did most of your life?
33. Walk me through a normal workday.
34. Who was the best boss or coworker you ever had?
35. What was the hardest part of your work?
36. What were you proudest of doing at work?
37. Did you ever change careers, or want to?
38. How did you manage money when times were tight?
39. What did you do when you retired, and how did it feel?
40. What advice would you give someone starting their first job?

Love, family and friends (questions 41 to 50)

41. How did you meet your husband or wife, or the people who mattered most to you?
42. What was your wedding day like?
43. Where did you live when you were first on your own?
44. What was it like raising children, if you did?
45. Who has been your closest friend over the years?
46. What did your family do together that you still remember fondly?
47. What family traditions did you keep, and which did you start?
48. Who in your family are you most like?
49. What is the best thing about being a grandparent, if you are one?
50. Who would you most like to see again, and what would you say?

What they have learned (questions 51 to 60)

51. What is the best advice you ever got?
52. What do you know now that you wish you had known at twenty?
53. What was the hardest time in your life, and what got you through it?
54. What are you proudest of?
55. What did you worry about that turned out not to matter?
56. What makes a good life, in your view?
57. What do you think young people get wrong, and what do they get right?
58. Is there anything you still want to do?
59. How would you like to be remembered?
60. Is there a story you have always wanted someone to ask you about?

How to ask: hearing, memory and patience

• Pick a quiet time and place. Turn off the television, sit face to face at eye level, and speak clearly rather than loudly.
• Ask one short question at a time, then wait. Silence is often someone remembering.
• Ask about the distant past. Childhood and early adult life are often clearer than recent events, especially with memory loss. Do not correct small mistakes.
• Bring something to look at or listen to. An old photo, a map of their hometown or a song from their youth reaches memories that questions miss.
• Follow the energy. If one question gets a long answer, stay there. "What was that like?" and "What happened next?" are the best follow-ups.
• Keep it short. Thirty minutes to an hour is plenty. Stop while they are still enjoying it.

Record it, with permission. Ask before you press record and tell them who will hear it. Put your phone on something soft, a hand's width or two from them, and say the date at the start. The iPhone recording guide covers in-person, phone and video calls, and the recording setup guide covers rooms and backups. To get it on paper, see the transcription options guide.

Talking with a particular relative? There are longer lists of questions to ask your grandparents and questions to ask your parents, plus questions to ask a veteran. For the practical questions aging parents need to answer, see questions to ask your parents before they die.